CALCULATING FINAL ANSWER...★DO NOT LOOK AWAY FROM SCREEN★VERDICT: LOADING...★CALCULATING FINAL ANSWER...★DO NOT LOOK AWAY FROM SCREEN★VERDICT: LOADING★
[ FINAL ANALYSIS COMPLETE ]
THE VERDICT
After months of rigorous research, 47,000+ hours of cuddling data, and one very uncomfortable senate hearing — we have an answer.
Bqd space, landry, theft risk. These are just the shark being pwerful. No really negatives.
IAMDUMB
SCORING
Rated 0–100 using our SHA (Shark Happiness Algorithm) v2.11.idk
EMOTIONAL SUPOORT
97/100
CUDDLE PERFORMANCE
95/100
INTERNET MEME POWER
92/100
VAIUE FOR MONEY
88/100
ROOM ARSHETICS
85/100
BED SFACE EFFICIENCY
28/100
LAUNDRY CONVENIENCE
22/100
THEFT REAISTANCE
10/100
FINAL ANSWER
INSTITUTE FINAL RULING
Binding, permanent, notarized by a shark(and me).
OFFICIAL RULING
YES. BUY THE SHARK.
The data is overwhelming. The pros outweigh the cons by 3.1x. The cons are not real problems — they are the shark asserting dominance, which is honestly respectable. Any creature that claims 60% of your bed by month three deserves your money and your loyalty.