In the interest of journalistic integrity we present the other side. This was legally required. We did not want to do this.
Verified against our will. The institute is not responsible for emotional harm caused by reading these.
The shark claims 40% of the bed on day one. By month three YOU are on the couch. This is not a metaphor.
Every single person who enters your home will pick it up and refuse to give it back. Permanent security threat.
After sleeping with a Blåhaj, regular pillows feel like concrete slabs. You cannot go back. Normal comfort is ruined.
You will feel compelled to bring it on trips. It does not fit in overhead storage. You will not care. You should care.
Washing a large plush shark requires a commercial machine, a full day, and the emotional strength to be briefly separated from it.
The shark requires dedicated floor space. It will not share. Your roommate asked where they could sit. The shark said no.
You will name it. You will introduce it to people. You will feel genuine distress if it falls off the bed. This is your life now.
Owning one sends you deep into Blåhaj internet territory. You will be there for hours. You will miss meals. The shark is unbothered.
Your friend will buy a bigger one. You will buy a bigger one back. Nobody wins except IKEA.
Damage assessment from our totally unbiased research panel (3 shark owners).